by Elyse | Apr 21 | Leadership
This blog post will discuss how to be a more effective leader. People want to be led, and leaders are more than just managers. Leaders inspire people and help draw everyone into a greater vision. Here are some ways to become a more effective leader.
Setting a Good Example
Leaders are role models, and the behavior that leaders exhibit is those that others will model. So, if you want your team to act a certain way, you must work that way.
People will model your behavior. If you want people to respond quickly, you should set an example of replying rapidly.
This also applies to working hard and being willing to do the tasks you ask others to do. By being integrity with your words, you will set a good example.
Being Open To Feedback
If you want to be a more effective leader, be open to the feedback you receive.
This doesn’t mean that you have to accept all feedback given to you, especially if it is unfounded.
Being open to feedback means listening to what others tell you about yourself, even if you find it hard to hear. You can listen with an open mind and thank them for being honest with you.
As you rise in an organization, this becomes more important because people will be less willing to tell you things, predominantly negative. In the book Primal Leadership, they call this “CEO disease.”
It is essential to listen and be open to people’s feedback. They also might be right and tell you something you can do better, which will help you improve and become a better leader.
Building Trust
Building trust is vital to your goals as a leader. You want people to trust your vision and where you are taking them.
You can build trust by doing what you say you will do and being honest with people about what is happening.
People like to be told why certain decisions were made, or changes are happening. By being honest about these things and even your feelings about these things, you can build trust with your team.
Another way to build trust is to be fair and treat everyone with respect. No one likes to feel like they are being mistreated.
Active listening is another way to build trust with your team, peers, and colleagues. You can practice this by being present when someone is speaking instead of thinking about the next thing you want to say. Then, you can repeat to the person what you think you heard to ensure you understood them correctly.
Manage Your Mind
Managing your mind means being aware of your thoughts and feelings and how those impact your results.
This is the work we focus on inside Millennial Leadership because it is where you have the most control. By knowing how your mindset impacts the things around you, you can shift and choose more empowering thoughts.
You know how you affect your team by being aware of your emotions. According to Primal Leadership, emotional intelligence is the most important attribute when it comes to who will be successful as a leader. So, investing in increasing emotional intelligence is a worthwhile goal.
A Final Note
There are many things you can do to become a more effective leader. These include setting a good example, being open to feedback, building trust, and managing your mind.
by Elyse | Apr 14 | Leadership
Dealing with a difficult coworker can be:
- frustrating
- stressful
- worrisome
- agitating
- fearful
Or a whole host of other negative emotions. Sometimes it can feel like there is no escape from them, and you will be subjected to their bad behavior forever.
But there are things that you can do to help you deal with a difficult coworker.
Accept That You Can’t Control Them
You can’t control other people, and this includes doing things to try to manipulate difficult people into behaving the way you want them to act.
Other people have the agency to do what they want, and there is nothing you can do or try to do to control them.
They will act the way they are regardless of what you do or don’t do.
Everyone has the agency to act how they see fit. Once you accept that you can’t control them, you can start to focus on what you can control.
Focus on You (AKA What You Can Control)
By focusing on yourself, you put your attention and efforts into something you have power over.
You can choose how you think about other people, the situation, and the problem.
You can also choose how you are going to feel, how you are going to act, and what you are going to do.
You have the power to choose to think anything. Knowing that your feelings come from your thoughts, you can ask yourself: “How do I want to think about this situation?”
Another powerful question is, “Who do I want to be?”
Focusing on you also lets you decide what you are willing and not willing to do in the situation. Just because a coworker demands something of you doesn’t mean you have to do it on their timeline or at all. You are always in control of yourself and can decide what you will do.
Don’t Internalize
If a problematic coworker starts making disparaging or rude comments to you, you can choose not to believe what they are saying.
The opinion of yourself is what matters the most, so if you believe that you are a hard worker, that you overdeliver, and that you are great at collaborating, then you can continue to believe all those positive things about yourself instead of accepting whatever negative comments a difficult coworker offers up to you.
Your confidence and self-esteem come from the thoughts you choose to think about yourself. And you can choose to think anything. That is why it is essential not to internalize negative things that a difficult coworker says.
Have Boundaries
Boundaries are a way for you to show up as the best version of yourself. Boundaries are not meant to control or punish other people.
They are there for you to protect your physical and emotional space and well-being.
Remember, a boundary is what you are going to do. We already established that you can not control a problematic coworker, and even if you requested of them, they probably wouldn’t say yes.
A boundary looks like saying, “If this meeting goes over the scheduled allotted time, I will have to leave.”
Or
“I will show up prepared with my work, but I will not step in for you during the presentation if you show up unprepared.”
Also, you can have boundaries around seeing a coworker outside of work or socializing with them.
Have Positive Regard
This is a bonus tip that will be helpful. Try to positively regard everyone around you, especially the problematic coworker (if you can, I know this can be hard!).
Human beings are intelligent and have developed gut feelings over thousands of years. People can typically sense when they are not liked, creating more tension in an already challenging situation.
Operating under the assumption of positive regard will help you assume that others have the best intent and can help make you (and often them!) more agreeable and pleasant to work with.
Just make sure that you also have firm boundaries in place so that you don’t fall into the trap of appeasing others to try to keep the peace and end up resentful.
In Summary:
- Accept that you can’t control them
- Focus on what you can control (you, your thoughts, feelings, and actions, what you will and won’t do)
- Don’t internalize negative opinions or comments
- Uphold and maintain your boundaries
- Have positive regard
by Elyse | Mar 16 | Uncategorized
Some people are lucky. Some people create their luck.
You can learn how to create your luck so that you are prepared the next time an opportunity arises for you to take. Here are five strategies for you about how to create your own luck.
1. Take radical responsibility for your results
The first step to creating your luck is to take radical responsibility for the results that you have in your life. This means believing that each result in your life has been the direct effect of something you have thought, felt, and taken action. Once you take radical responsibility for all the results you have in your life, you’ll see that you have created everything in your life, and it will give you this empowerment that you can create new and more desired results.
2. Seek evidence to confirm you are lucky.
Your brain works like a machine and will prove true to you the thoughts you think. Whatever you tell your brain to look for, your brain thinks is important. When you tell your brain that you are lucky, your brain will start to search for evidence that will confirm that you are fortunate.
This activates something in your brain, and you will start noticing more instances where you have been fortunate. It is like when you buy a new car model, and then you start seeing that model all over the place, even if you have never noticed it before.
This is why telling yourself you are lucky can be beneficial. Because your brain is constantly seeking evidence for what you tell it, if you say you’re fortunate, it will start searching and noticing things that prove to it that prove it true that you are lucky.
Resources
3. Create Abundant Thoughts
You are totally in charge of the thoughts that you think.
Your thoughts are optional.
You can choose to believe anything that you want.
The thoughts you think over and over again become your beliefs. Those beliefs will affect how you feel day in and day out and will lead you to either take action or in action and, therefore, will affect the results that you have in your life. So, because you can choose your thoughts, you can choose to create deliberate positive, and great ideas.
Even thinking I’m lucky is a thought, and when you consider it that way, you’ll feel extraordinary, abundant, and joyous, and then you’ll be on the lookout for things that confirm that thought to you. You’ll start making meanings of things, and then the result that you create is that you will create more luck in your life. You’ll think that you’re fortunate.
This is why you need to create thoughts that feel good to you deliberately, and it’s essential to check in with your body and see how those thoughts feel in your body and if those thoughts and those feelings are leading you to take the actions you want to take that are going to give you the results that you want. You can create abundant thoughts such as:
- I am so lucky
- I am so grateful
- I appreciate this moment
- I create my luck
- things are always working out for me
- the better it gets, the better it gets
- I am open to receiving more joy and abundance in my life.
4. Practicing Gratitude
Being in a state of gratitude will make you more likely to receive what you want. You’ll also start practicing being grateful for what you have, which will make you feel lucky.
A lot of people talk about gratitude practice. Many people have a gratitude practice but need to connect to the sensation and feeling of gratitude. The approach is just something they do where they write down the three things they are grateful for that day and then want to get one with their day.
They have this gratitude practice because they’re told about all the benefits it comes with, but when you do this from a place of checking off a box and not doing it from your heart, this will not be as effective.
To have this be effective, you have to be sitting in the feeling of gratitude. Getting into this state can take a minute if you’re not used to feeling this feeling.
- Think about something you can be grateful for and focus on the appreciation you feel for it (remember, you’re doing this for yourself, so you don’t need anybody else’s approval or permission. What you focus on can be as small or as big as you want).
- You will focus on feeling gratitude until you can feel it in your body. The way gratitude feels for me is like a sensation and vibration flowing through m, and body, and I can feel it emanating from my heart.
- Access the feeling of gratitude for what you have currently and then start feeling grateful for what you want in your future.
5. Your Thoughts Create Your Results
Your thoughts create the results in your life.
The way this works is that your thoughts create the feelings in your body. Your thoughts are optional. I know there was a long time when I had no idea my thoughts were optional or that I could choose them; I just thought these thoughts came to me, and I had no choice.
Your thoughts create your feelings, and then it is from your feelings that you either take your actions or don’t.
All actions or inactions are derived from how you think they will make you feel, and then your actions will cause your results.
Let’s say you think, “my friends don’t want to hear from me.” This thought makes you feel disconnected, and when you think about what you’re doing when you’re disconnected, you’re going to think about the actions you’re going to take. You’re probably going to refrain from texting your friends, not calling your friends, not reaching out, and even not going to events where you know your friends will be because you think your friends don’t want to hear from you. The result is that you’re a terrible friend, and then your friends won’t want to hear from you even if that wasn’t how they felt before you started taking action from that thought.
Start looking for more ways to prove to yourself how this is true to you so that you can understand that all results in your life; originate from the thoughts you’re repeatedly thinking. Once you know, you can start creating your luck because you can start thinking thoughts that will bring you the type of results you want.
Hence, if you’re feeling negative thoughts right now, like
- I’m broke
- I hate my job
- nobody respects me,
- nobody likes me
You’re just going to find proof and act in ways to create those thoughts into results in your life. This is why deliberate thought creation is so important. You can turn all those thoughts above into more supportive ideas like:
- I am grateful for the money that I have,
- I have a job, and I appreciate what it gives me;
- I respect myself,
- I like myself, and I know others like me
Once you can see the creation in your life and you start seeing how these create your results, you can begin creating thoughts, practicing thoughts, and changing your beliefs to get better results, and in the end, you’re going to make more luck.
A Final Note on How To Create Your Own Luck
I hope you found this helpful and that you experiment with these strategies to start seeing improved results in your life. Ensure you get the free guide, 3 Ways to Feel Less Overwhelmed at Work, that will take you through some quick, actionable steps to help you feel more in control of your time and day. Also, feel free to contact me if you are facing a challenge and want some coaching.
Cheers!
by Elyse | Mar 10 | Leadership
Burnout can come in many different forms, but at its core, burnout leaves people in utter exhaustion. So, what is burnout, what are the signs of burnout, and how can you prevent it?
Merriam-Webster defines burnout as:
Burnout:
-
The cessation of operation usually of a jet or rocket engine
-
Exhaustion of physical or emotional strength or motivation usually as a result of prolonged stress or frustration
The Mayo Clinic describes burnout as “a special type of work-related stress-a state of physical or emotional exhaustion that also involves a sense of reduced accomplishment and loss of personal identity.”
The cause of burnout is trying to achieve a goal that becomes unattainable and being under this stress for a prolonged amount of time without seeing an end in sight.
Signs of burnout include:
- irritability
- feeling exhausted for an extended period
- hostility
- cynicism
- loss of internal motivation, drive, or enjoyment when you used to feel enjoyment about doing the thing
- a feeling of endlessness
Burnout Prevention Tips
Burnout can be prevented by having and maintaining boundaries, proper planning, and caring for your mindset.
You will eventually get exhausted when you work continuously towards a result and keep working more and more without resting.
To prevent burnout, you have to schedule time for self-care and relaxation. There has to be an end to the work day so you can do something else and think about something else.
Another prevention tip for burnout is to plan. So many people are putting out fires daily that they don’t have enough space in their calendars to work on their important goals. By putting out so many fires, you are constantly reacting to your day, which will be very stressful.
Also, managing your mind will help tremendously with preventing burnout. Your brain is an incredible tool and can be an asset to you, but if it is not managed correctly, it can just as quickly work against you.
Taking the time to do the self-care, like managing your brain and stopping work when you say you are going to stop, are essential steps to preventing burnout.
A Final Note
You can build an incredible, resilient mindset. You can direct your brain to positive thoughts; you can use your brain to make better decisions and plan your future. You are also able to process any emotions that you feel. Because you have these capabilities, you can work towards building your mindset to help you stay out of burnout. You can use different emotions to fuel you to feel productive and accomplished instead of stressed and exhausted. You can use your brain to make better decisions so that you work on your most important tasks and decide when you should stop working each day. You can gift self-care to yourself by managing your mind, honoring your boundaries, and making thoughtful decisions for your future.
by Elyse | Mar 2 | Management, New Managers
What makes a good manager? People who become managers because they enjoy working with people want to know the answer to the question: how do I become a good manager?
What does it entail? What should I be doing? How should I be doing things?
Being a manager can be very fulfilling as a career path, but it can feel like a lot to learn and a little guidance when starting.
There are actions, habits, and behaviors that make good managers. And these things are learnable because a lot of them are skills.
So, what makes a good manager?
As the author states in the introduction of the book, The First Time Manager, “The advice in this book centers around two overarching messages: Be thoughtful in your actions and always conduct yourself with class.”
After all, management is dealing with people, so the most critical aspect of being a good manager is to care about the people you are managing.
“Management is about controlling, and leadership is about inspiring.”
-The First-Time Manager
Management is directive and starts as very involved in managing projects and ensuring that projects progress. The goal is to eventually get to a point where you become a leader in your management role.
For more, see Management vs. Leadership.
Since management focuses on people, it requires a very different skill set than those needed as individual contributors. Being a good manager means being good at your job and recognizing when someone else is good.
It can be a standard trap for managers to overfocus on the direct reports working in your previous domain to the detriment of the other functions you are managing now.
You must be able to recognize success in those that you manage.
Focus on people.
People want to feel that you care. And you can show them.
By listening to them and their ideas.
By helping them develop their careers and work on projects, they want and are engaged with.
By inspiring them to do their best work.
By being honest with them.
By being clear in your communication with them
By supporting them.
By not judging them.
People want to feel supported, heard, and cared for.
Emotional Intelligence
Another skill crucial for good managers is emotional intelligence.
Good managers are emotionally intelligent. According to the book Primal Leadership, emotional intelligence can be improved. The book also posits that emotional intelligence is the number one factor in determining if someone will be a successful leader.
The book classifies four domains of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.
Within each of these domains, there are specific skills. And because they are skills, they are learnable if you want to learn them.
Improving your emotional intelligence skills is one the most impactful things you can do as a manager since those will affect everything you do in your organization.
A Final Note
As a manager, you have a lot of influence over the people who report to you. It is something that should not be forgotten, and it is something that should be handled with care.
People want to know that you care, and they want to see that you are competent. You can demonstrate these things with emotional intelligence: communicating with them, having good relationships throughout the organization, making sound decisions and listening to people, and being fair.
“As a manager, think of class as ‘style and elegance in one’s behavior.'” –The First-Time Manager.
